MGHOW: My journey
Occasionally we republish notable articles from our archives. This article was first published in August 2012, and is republished as one of the original MGTOW classics.
My road to being a MGHOW was forged after witnessing my parents’ marriage break down, my mother’s and step father’s marriage break down, and the countless other marriage breakdowns that dominated not only my family, but nearly all the families I knew by the time I was a teenager. I followed suit, with one marriage, and one long term de facto breakdown, which between them left me, at 38 years old, financially not much better off than I had been at 20. This was after I had made considerable investment in two houses, and nearly paid one off completely .
I didn’t know what a MGHOW was, but I knew that legally recognized relationships of any type, with a woman, often resulted in financial ruin for men and that the law supported and encouraged women to use it as the tool for this destruction. All my life I had heard how it was a man’s world and men were privileged, but my view of the world told me that it was entirely up to the woman to decide if you should continue to be allowed to have ownership of your home, be a father to your children, or even retain ownership of your income.
Once single, I stuck a sign inside the entrance to my unit which was my declaration of independence. It had three headings in large letters, with a small explanation of each underneath. The three headings were:: NO MARRIAGE, NO DEFACTO, NO KIDS. My open stance on this did not seem to limit my sex life at all. In fact while it drove women who wanted any of these things away, it attracted those who were like minded. I accumulated many ‘friends with benefits’ who all knew about each other. I had even explored the swinger’s scene on some occasions, though it was not a predominant part of my life.
Most of the women in my life were affectionate, extremely sexual, and most of all, very independent. Some of these women would casually refer to themselves as feminists. Some had disowned the term altogether. All of them would become aware of my anti-feminist opinions over time and, apart from some disagreements, it didn’t seem to affect anything much between us. My conclusion, in hindsight, is that no matter what these women considered themselves, they were not feminists.
At one point, in the early days of my MGHOW lifestyle, I was seeing a woman who I allowed to hassle me into agreeing to monogamy. Almost immediately the relationship changed and I began to feel uncomfortable with the arrangement. This was because after agreeing that she would be my sole source of sex, it would also become apparent that she would also be my sole source of female companionship and affection of any kind. Not only that, I had to alter my life so that I could be seen to be abiding by this.
The complaints came soon after. ‘You spend too much time with other people’, ‘you went out on such and such a night and didn’t tell me in advance’. That’s code for ‘you didn’t ask my permission’. Before I knew it, I was heading down that same old road of answering to someone for every move, altering my comings and goings, always with thoughts of not triggering suspicions or complaints.
Disagreements would see sex withheld, and I felt pressure to agree to anything to avoid that happening. It became obvious to me after analyzing all of my past monogamous relationships, that this was the deal. This was monogamy. This is what it meant to a woman…..control.
I came to the conclusion that it was not enough to rule out marriage, de facto, and children. Indeed, if I had no intention of having more children, then monogamy was redundant. It served no purpose at all except to pander to women’s (and men’s) irrational and purely emotional need to secure ownership and control of their partner’s body. This indeed makes sense if you are planning marriage, children, and raising a family together, at least until you have all the children you want. It made sense in times gone by, when the absence of birth control and hygiene products, disease prevention, abortion etc would leave a trail of destruction in the lives of those neither practicing monogamy nor celibacy.
I, however, live in an age where marriage has become a one way commitment, where children mostly become a man’s child support payments, and where his house becomes his wife’s house.
I was leaving work one day and about to head over to Debbie’s. I’d been in a monogamous relationship with her for several weeks and already I was starting to feel the claustrophobic feeling that reminded me of my previous marriages. I didn’t feel like going there – I was only going because she was a pest.
She had been harping on about how I wasn’t spending enough time with her and had started repeatedly bringing up the subject of us living together. I started driving over to her house, and pulled over to the side of the road. I text’d the message on my phone, “going home, feeling very tired.” Then I turned my phone off, and drove home.
The land line was ringing as I walked through the door. The conversation went something like,
“Peter, we need to talk.”
“No we don’t, what we need to do is stop seeing each other.”
“aarrrh…umm, FINE, if that is what you want.”
“That is what I want.” The sound of the phone slamming down followed.
I breathed a sigh of relief, and suddenly I didn’t feel tired anymore. I felt like painting blue lines on my face and jumping on a horse and riding with my sword thrust into the air, and yelling “FREEDOM!”
I had accumulated many friends with benefits prior to this relationship I had managed to remain in contact and friendly with some. I rang my closest friend with benefits, Tam, and told her I was back. After listening to my bitching about my hellish existence for the past several weeks, she said “That’s what you get when you get involved with nice girls.” I said “Yes, it won’t happen again, only hardcore cock loving sluts like you for me, from now on, I promise.’
A celebration was called for, and this time it happened to be a gathering of friends and a night of debauchery followed.
It’s been that way pretty much ever since.
My declaration expanded to four items, which was no longer displayed on my wall, but I made no secret of where I stood on each of these:
1. No marriage. Marriage has become nothing but the temporary “for as long as I feel like it” arrangement that nearly always results in divorce, and the stripping of assets and children, and parental rights from men, and often, the continued enslavement of men via alimony. Furthermore, as a partnered man, you are probably even more at risk of false allegations than a swinging dick because false allegations are being enabled, and becoming standard tools for women to use in order to extract further benefits upon divorce, and separation and to further remove the man from her life, and the children’s lives. It is far too dangerous a deal for a man to consider, and even if you think not, it is going to get worse.The marriage deal you agree to today will be rewritten and amended behind your back via feminist lobbyists exerting their will over the legislative process while you wait for the inevitable divorce to come.
2. No defacto. In many jurisdictions, de facto holds exactly the same weight as marriage, and in the jurisdictions where it does not, it soon will. If you agree that marriage is too dangerous, then you must rule out living together, too. Since you only undertake these arrangements with a view to “until death do us part,” what do you think the chances are of the rules not being amended during your life time? And if it’s not death do us part, but temporary that you are planning, then why do it?
What temporary relationship is worth the risk, and the cost of the ass reaming you will get via family law, if she chooses to strap that giant dildo on at the end? You have no say in whether she chooses to use the tools that have been made available to her. Her word is not worth the paper it’s not written on. Pre-nups may or may not hold legal weight in your jurisdiction at the time you enter into such agreements, but at the time of dissolution they are toilet paper, just waiting for the government and feminists to peel it off the roll, wipe and flush.
3. No children. Obviously if you aren’t going to marry a woman, or live together, then you would have to be crazy to have children with one. It can only result in you eventually being removed from their lives, and paying child support, regardless of any deals you have with her. Family courts need not honor either verbal or written agreements you have with her. Let breeders be responsible for populating the world, and let breeders pay the price for it.
4. No monogamy. This one results in the most objections, even from MGTOW. But think about it. If you rule out the other three No’s, what reason is there to agree to monogamy, and what reason does a woman have to agree to monogamy with you? Jealousy? Insecurity? A fear of competition? A distaste for women who sleep around? Why? Have not women the same right to go their own way, also? Indeed, if as MGTOW, we are going to reject marriage, and other forms of committed relationships, then we are faced with either life-long celibacy, or acceptance of the non-monogamous woman. As long as you are trying to go your own way, but seek to have a pet woman, who is monogamous to you, you are seeking two mutually exclusive things and that very desire will see you surrendering control.
Is this monogamous relationship going to be for life? If not, then why bother? Who will break this relationship off, and what will be the fallout when that happens?
But aren’t women who are sexually active, and not monogamous, just sluts? And sluts are bad, horrible women, right?
First, what is a slut? Oh, those are those women who dress in provocative clothes and parade down the street shoving their pseudo sexuality in people’s faces in order to incite hatred against men. No, not really. Those are show ponies and posers who want to use their sexually provocative appearance and displays to gain attention for their cause and promote the hatred of men. A truly sexually liberated woman uses her sexuality to pleasure herself, and her partners.
Wait, but sluts are those bitches that make false rape allegations after begging to be fucked senseless by groups of men, aren’t they? Well, I’ve known many women who aren’t averse to group sex, but none of them have caused me or any other man any grief. Obviously, being a sexually liberated woman does not go hand in hand with being any of these other negative things.
The women who do that are more often immature, dishonest women who have some expectation to gain something from a sexual encounter, and don’t get it. Being a sexually liberated woman who spreads it around and enjoys her sex life with anybody she chooses to engage with does not mean she is a liar, a cheat, a bitch, or that she hates men. In fact, the vast majority of women I’ve known who are this kind of sexual free spirit, really like guys.
They are often called sluts and whores by many people who are aware of their private sex lives. Most take offense at the whore label. Among friends, the term slut is often used, and is almost a term of endearment. They don’t sell sex, they give it away, and don’t want anything in return except the enjoyment. This makes them the opposite of whores. In fact, the average women has more in common with a whore than this type of sexual free spirit (slut). That statement isn’t meant as an insult to average women, or whores. It’s just an observation of the fact that the more requirements a woman places on a man to provide utility, or material goods, or services for her, in order for him to gain, or maintain access to sex with her, the more that relationship resembles prostitution.
A woman who has a high libido, an open mind, a love for men and sex, is not the enemy of men or of the MRM; not on that account alone, regardless of how many lovers she has, or what sex those lovers may be. In fact, for the MGHOW who does not want celibacy, and has rejected any form of state sanctioned legally binding relationship, the non-monogamous, sexually active women is your only option outside of prostitutes.
To enjoy her company though, you will have to dispense with attitudes that are incompatible with your chosen lifestyle of a sexually active MGHOW. To put it bluntly, as an MGHOW, you have no right to expect a woman to make a commitment to you, while you shun commitment. If you are not a celibate MGHOW, but a sexually active one, you are in fact, a slut, if the same standards are applied to yourself.
The sexually liberated and liberal women, is the woman that prostitutes seek to imitate. They are what the show ponies, the cock teasers, the users, the rinsers and most of the other nasties seek to appear to be, but are not. Beware of imitations.
A woman who is in the habit of flaunting herself and behaving provocatively in public, is more often an imitation. She is sending out messages saying, I’m hot, I’m sexual, but usually not to obtain sex, but to obtain something else. Attention, money, drinks, etc, but not sex. They want you to want them, but they don’t want you to fuck them, at least not unless you are living up to some other agenda they have.
A hidden price tag with an unstated amount.
The truly sexually liberated woman may on occasion dress up and behave provocatively, but when they do, they aren’t playing pretendies, and they seldom take offense at being approached, even a clumsy pass by a guy they are not interested in will usually not see them behave rudely or maliciously.
As opposed to traditionalists, the MRM’s message is largely that men should be freed from the expectation of provision and protection of women; that it is no longer appropriate to hold men to traditional roles while women have been freed to pursue lives of their choosing.
Men are still being held to traditional standards though. Most women count on this. Shaming men on the basis of their sexuality, being gay, being celibate, being bi-sexual, being promiscuous, etc., is all part of the mechanism that keeps men protecting and providing. Indeed, the provision of sex, or the withdrawal of sex, is a powerful tool that is used to keep men pursuing relationships that, when looked at logically, differ little from prostitution; prostitution without a clear price tag. They will let you know what the cost is later..
With the ever increasing stance of feminism being anti sex, particularly anti sex between men and women, that all sex is rape, and other ridiculous lies that feminism is spreading and slowly having enshrined in law, feminists have become the new totalitarian prudes of the world as opposed to the sexual liberation movement that they promoted themselves to be in the sixties.
The MRM has the opportunity to replace them as the movement that promotes true sexual equality, responsibility, as well as the notion that your sexual activity is a personal issue, and should not be used as a yard stick to gauge your value as a human being, or even your morality. Those things should be judged by – honesty, integrity, compassion, work ethic – are not what you do in bed, or who you do it with.
Enter Tam. I’ve known Tam for eleven years and regard her as a very dear friend.
Tam looks and behaves pretty much like an ordinary middle aged woman. Nobody would ever guess the evil that dwells within.
Tam has a full-time job, and often works overtime. She also generates some income from writing and has done copy for advertising, as well as writing erotica. She has two adult children who are both very fine examples of good upbringing. They are educated, productive and fine upstanding citizens.
Tam is divorced from their father and maintains a friendly relationship with him. In the divorce, she rejected the family court’s insistence that she take more assets and money than she was agreeing to, and told them if they confiscated it for her, she would just return it to him. There was no dispute over children, and no child support paid either way. The kids pretty much just came and went at both houses as they chose. Although Tam could have received some child support being the lower earning partner, she did not apply for it.
She has her own place, paid off, and has renovated it herself, mostly with her own hands. She currently has a job that is partly physical, and partly outdoors. She is totally financially independent, and totally independent in all ways. She donates to charity, and has spent many a night in the past out in the cold helping homeless people (men). She regularly visits her ailing mother and performs chores for her, including shopping, housework etc. She is very likable and respectable member of the community. She neither smokes, or uses drugs, and is a very modest social drinker.
Tam is also a major slut, of the highest caliber. She has used several dating sites and meets up with guys now and then for sex. On some Saturday nights you may find her at home, reading, watching tv, going to a movie, or in a threesome with a couple of fuck buddies, or maybe a woman or a couple. You may find her at a swingers’ party, or even a much more extreme gathering. Pretty much nothing is out of the question for Tam. All that, and she’ll even spin for dinner and drinks at times.
You may think that women like Tam are rare. I would disagree. Nowhere near as rare as one might think anyway. I have known, and still know, many of them. In fact, you might say my life over the past 12 years has looked like a river flowing full of women like Tam. They are not hard to find, they are everywhere. But in order for them to reveal themselves to you, you must first be willing to accept them as they are.
My recommendation for MGTOW is to seek to acquaint yourself with such women, not just as a source of sex, but as a source of genuine friendship with women who do not require anything from you except the same.
As a popular movement, MGTOW has a long way to go. Many see the withdrawal of support of women, and the rejection of committed relationships as not only a method of protecting themselves from some of the worst excesses of feminist governance and legislation, but also as a political effort. They see it as a way, perhaps, to force laws to be rewritten and for marriage to be made safe, and beneficial to men, instead of just to women. If enough men adopted MGTOW lifestyles, I’m sure there would be much pressure for law reform that would benefit men.
I, for one, do not want things to go back to the way they used to be, where the marriage, commitment monogamy model is the only acceptable road to take for men, or women. I want marriage to be fair for men and women who choose it, and divorce to be the same. I want parental rights and property rights protected. I want the bias in favor of women in custody, child support, property etc, to be eliminated. But I want marriage, de facto, monogamy, and all the other choices to be just that, choices.
And no matter which lifestyle one chooses, you are as safe in your rights as in any other choice. Only then, in absence of moral and legal directives and sanctions for refusal to comply, can men truly choose
I used to be a proponent of commitment and monogamy. So who made me change? Feminists made me change. They made me who I am now, as surely as if they molded me and worked me with their own hands into my current form. So would I return to my old self if things were changed tomorrow? Nope, that toothpaste is not going back in the tube for me.
I discovered far too many women who like me just the way I am for me to give the slightest fuck about the others. For the women out there who are horrified at the existence of growing numbers of men like me, I suggest you reconsider your support of feminism, and the untenable nature of marriage and committed relationships for men, as rendered by feminist governance and legislation. You may have nothing but men like me to choose from in the future unless you reverse these trends.
Men are starting to see what monogamy really is. A temporary desire that women have, which draws from the ancient past where women were dependent upon finding a man to protect and provide for them and their offspring for their survival.
That instinct is inherited and is part of the hard wiring of the female brain, because they are all descendants of women who had that trait. The others did not survive. The hypergamous instinct also dictates that women seek out another mate in a number of years. Of course, in the ancient past, she would seek a mate with the greatest capability to protect and provide. But the instinct to move on is about reproductive diversity, I believe. In the modern world, the gold digging instinct is less important than the urge to diversify (have sex with others) and this explains why so many women cheat on their successful husbands with an economically inferior man. It’s about a change of cock more than anything.
A non-monogamous relationship defeats this need by removing the requirement to get rid of your partner, or cheat, in order to satisfy this instinct. Hypergamy is exacerbated by monogamy. This is why the number one reason for marriage breakdowns is marriage itself. How many times do you hear “I’m just not in love with him anymore” No particular reason, she just isn’t. She wants him out of the way so she can seek out that new dick. She begins to sabotage the relationship, she withholds sex, she starts arguments over nothing. He grovels and buys flowers and reads relationship advice and tries to ramp up the romance and be Mr. Nice Guy. This just shits her off to no end, because what she really wants is for him to fuck off so she can get herself some fresh meat. She isn’t even aware of it. She rationalizes it all by making him the bad guy in her mind, and usually to everybody else as well.
The long term, or rather permanent monogamy of the past is dead gentlemen. It can only exist in an environment where to be otherwise carries a very high risk of adverse consequences.
Women have none.
The good old days are not coming back, and they weren’t good for men anyway. What needs to happen is for men to claim the same freedom women have.
Remember the sixties? Civil rights, women’s rights (feminism) and free love? Feminism was made popular largely because it hitched itself to free love. Women flocked to the movement, and so did men. This is a far cry from the attitudes that feminism promotes today.
I have a vision of the future. The 2020s and beyond will be the era of civil rights, men’s rights, and free love. Yes, we will be the new sexual liberation movement. We will be the movement that brings an end to shaming people based on their sexual lifestyle and choices, whether they be straight, gay, bisexual, monogamous, swingers, or anything in between. The personal is not political, and it’s about time that feminists got that message loud and clear, from men, and women. That might be a little hard to do though while so many of us are willing to throw rocks at any women engaging in any form of casual sex, as I have seen so often on MRM sites.
I’d like MRAs to think about the current feminist stance on matters of sex, and sexuality. The view that women are somehow rendered victims of something horrible by sexual contact with men, is not unlike the traditionalist view that women are sullied and dirtied by sexual activity with men. And I ask you something, if indeed men are not the pigs and apes and lower creatures that feminists say we are, then why should a woman be held in contempt for engaging in sexual activity with men? Why should the sexual activity she engages in devalue her if men are fully human and wonderful creatures? How is she dirtied by sex with men unless we also hate men, and think low of ourselves?
Unless a woman adheres to traditional standards, and demands commitment, which many men in the MRM and outside the MRM, are rejecting, is she crazy, victimized, or a low life? Is she worthless? This sounds very similar to what radfems, the church and traditionalists say. So what is the difference between us and them on sexuality issues? Not much in some cases, and women have noticed. I know that for a fact.
Original Story on AVFM
Author: Peter Pan
These stories are from AVoiceForMen.com.