NCFM Member Tim Patten, Recovering From Red Pill Rage
In the popular 1999 science fiction film, The Matrix, the choice of taking a red pill or a blue pill symbolized the difference between accepting life as it is or remaining oblivious to reality. Over time, the metaphor has been adopted by the modern men’s liberation movement to distinguish between those who understand the harm that women do to men and those who don’t want to know.
In essence, being “red pill aware” means a man understands the nature of females and their instinctual behavior. He can peer through the fog of romantic love and marriage – the “blue pill world” – and see that intimate relationships often leave men in bad shape, undermining much of what they hold dear. In many cases, a sudden awareness evolves into something darker – “red pill rage” – reflecting the anger a man feels after realizing that the world works in a different way than he’s long been told.
Unfortunately, this notion of having been led down the garden path into circumstances and ways of life that were against their own interests has also led some to react – and overreact. It has motivated them to make angry, bitter and questionably misogynistic pronouncements to each other and in public, similar to the following:
“Women don’t love you; they love what you can do for them!”
“All women are gold diggers!”
“Women are cock-teasers and attention-whores!”
“My ex can eat my shit and die!”
“Love is the delusion that one woman is different from another.”
“Women are manipulative, attention-seeking, inconsistent and emotional!”
Divorce and custody
But while such ugly words are regrettable and don’t really help matters, the fallout that men have suffered from selfish and self-centered female behavior has been destructive and widespread. Every year, approximately one million men end up as victims of divorce and suffer considerably as a result. In most cases, this event proves to be the most traumatic experience they’ve been through, leaving them dehumanized, their lives destroyed, and prone to suicide.
What makes it worse is the way in which things frequently unfold. Quite simply, it is not uncommon for women to surprise partners with divorce notices. According to one MGTOW forum member, “My wife and I were having difficulties because I was dedicating extra time to my passion, a new work venture. But I never imagined she would divorce me!” Another participant was also given marching orders out of the blue, though apparently his in-laws and lawyer knew about it before it happened. “She devastated me and my three children one night after 17 years of marriage. The false allegations soon followed after [I won] 50/50 custody.”
Still, not all husbands are in the dark before the bad news landed on their doorstep. In many cases, there are warnings signs beforehand and a pattern of abuse and mistreatment that suggest it is only a matter of time before wives are readying the divorce documents. As one forum participant put it, “She had been plotting, drugging and poisoning me for years. She tried to drive me to suicide [through] an ambush breakup and [by] using a ‘domestic violence’ scam to legally kidnap my children.”
Whether men see it coming or not, divorce is often the trigger for red pill awareness – and red pill rage. It should be no surprise to anyone that men who have their children or property taken away from them in the wake of divorce are shattered and depressed and react accordingly. Often, they experience disillusionment and profound feelings of anger, bitterness, and resentment toward marriage and cohabitation in general.
In some instances, this state of affairs lasts a few days or weeks. But for many men whose lives have been upended and scarred by the wrenching reality of modern divorce, they can remain in a funk indefinitely or even on a permanent basis. Over time, their rage continues to simmer and bubble up, occasionally boiling over after seeing images of tampons and other reminders of the person who caused them to suffer when the divorce took place.
Red pill rage can also erupt for other, less personal reason, even for men who have not suffered through the tragedy of divorce. Weddings are one trigger: they glorify females and the vow, “to love, obey and care for you forever,” which so few women seem capable of honoring. For those who previously abandoned the blue pill myths, they already know that many marriages end in divorce; in those that don’t, most men simply end up very unhappy with their partners.
Other seemingly innocent events, including a co-worker announcing his engagement, news that a woman has gotten pregnant, or everyday displays of affection can also be the catalysts for a welling-up of resentment and rage. Moreover, the way that relationships are romanticized in movies and literature can bring matters to a head, especially when a man suddenly realizes that everybody – including his own mother – has lied to him about female nature and what women actually want.
In reality, parents and most others care that men care about – along with society more broadly – have long lied to men about the way things work; mainly that men must sacrifice his goals for a good job so he can care for his family. Consequently, when they try to follow along and do what they are told, they end up being screwed over. The fact is that marriage isn’t about love, it’s about economics and a deep partnership of shared goals. Women are hypergamous by nature, and they seem happy to take men’s money, kids, house, etc. and leave them with nothing. Unfortunately, most males don’t realize this until a divorce hits.
Ironically or tragically – it is not clear which makes more sense – some women even view the red pill rage ugly comment as proof of just how shitty men really are. For many females, life can be summed up by the James Brown song, “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World,” but they almost certainly haven’t experienced the punishment directed at men in divorce and custody hearings. And unlike their experience of living in a world where everything is dropped for a woman in need, they fail to see that no one lifts a finger when a man cries out for help.
Undoubtedly, countless women have, throughout history, been humiliated, harassed, abused, raped and killed at the hands of men, and that continues to be true today. But it is not all one-sided. Men have also been the victims of mistreatment and oppression, largely from other men but from women as well. The reality is that many people have been the victims of discrimination, injustice, hatred and violence. Regardless of gender, there is plenty of anger to go around.
When it comes to red pill rage, however, it is curable. One way for those affected to turn things around is to step back and look at the role they had in creating the situation at hand. What choices did they make and actions did they take before any traumatic events transpired? What could they have done differently, and what can they do now to ensure that such unhappy circumstances never occur again?
Mostly, those who swallow the red pill eventually come to a healthy realization about the underlying causes of such tragedies in relationships and develop a certain mindfulness about themselves and others. They understand that humans are driven by basic instincts, which include a primordial need for sex and the human connection. They learn that the way to deal with those relating to the opposite sex is to see them for what they truly are.
With this, a man will feel liberated, instilled with fresh wisdom about women, marriage, feminism and society. He should take action: institute a daily regimen of exercise, workouts and self-improvement. With a little conscious raising, he will be ready and willing to move toward his passions and take care of and invest in himself. He can push himself to his limits, strengthening and nurturing the sleeping giant within. He will no longer be angry or bitter or resentful. He will have the freedom and control to make choices that help him achieve whatever he wants – and be whatever he wants to be.
About the author
Tim Patten is the author of MGTOW: Building Wealth and Power, a handy investment guide, and MGTOW: Why I Cheat, a collection of campfire stories for men. His latest book Masculinity Is Our Future is available also in audio format. He has devoted his life’s work to celebrating masculinity and is active in the men’s liberation phenomenon.