NCFM Tim Patten, Teenage Boys Dating and Sex
Teenage Boys Dating and Sex
For most teen boys 12 and older, sex is everything. In fact, experts have concluded that boys think about the subject every seven seconds. It is natural for males – straight ones – often find themselves deeply attracted to the visual elements of the female persona, including their bodies and the way they do their make-up and present themselves. This fascination with the “seeable” likely explains the persistent interest in sensuous and sexual images in magazines and video games, and porn.
But this is not something that boys and men keep hidden even though boys are shamed when they express most any visual interest in a girl or girls. And, beginning at a young age, females quickly become aware of this male trait, which serves to stoke and stimulate an instinctual interest in attracting the attentions of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, this often sets in motion a toxic feline regimen where significant amounts of time and money are spent on preening and primping in an effort to win out over rivals. Sometimes known as attention whores.
Poor Gender Roles
This intense focus on girls securing male attention, which also includes getting the opposite sex to support them, pamper them, pay for their meals, and, basically, do whatever they want, creates a dynamic that is not necessarily in males’ interests. As they grow from boys to teenagers to men, they are left with a problematic vulnerability that can weigh them down and cause significant misery, pain and financial loss in their lives.
However, this doesn’t mean boys and men must accept it as destiny, as many have in the past. While the biological impulses ingrained in the male DNA are unlikely to disappear and can’t simply be ignored, there is an alternative. This includes mindfulness: gaining a better understanding and making more effort to exert control and to choose a life that is free of selfish female oppression.
To do this, young males, in particular, must learn to navigate through their physical and emotional development and the realities of modern romantic encounters. In most cases, sexual urges become an increasingly dominant presence as boys evolve into post-adolescence. It is typical for them to fantasize about sex, have nocturnal emissions, wake up in an aroused state, and experience erections at the most inopportune times.
Young males also tend to gravitate toward friendly and attractive individuals, including girls they might barely know from school or the neighborhood, and they are naturally drawn to pictures and depictions that run the gamut from innocent to prurient. Many will obsessively masturbate to these various images, which they find hard to get out of their heads.
And when it comes to connecting more closely with those who they find sexually appealing, the driving force of heterosexual male biology can readily take over. Increasingly, the idea of having sex – with whomever – and having a girlfriend can become an obsession. This desire is further exacerbated by the pressure to date and, from both peers and the media, have sexual encounters with the opposite sex.
Other factors also play a role. For straight males, they often feel compelled to “prove” they are not gay and are cool enough to have “earned” a girlfriend. They also gain considerable social capital from having “experience” with females, even if the reality is somewhat different. Having a girlfriend is also a hallmark of popularity, which helps enhance a guy’s likeability even among those who don’t know him well – or at all.
Jealousy and relationship inequality
Unfortunately, many young men become so overwhelmed by primal urges and a desire to be seen as “real men” that it can cause them to lose something of themselves. A compulsion to “couple up” and copulate can undermine decision-making. Over time, they believe they need to sustain a relationship, good or bad, at any cost. No matter what significant others demand, many will desperately hang in there to avoid being judged in a harsh, less-than-masculine light.
Even when relationships are more “a teenage crush” than “happily ever after,” notions of love and romance can easily become twisted. Whether it’s innate or learned behavior, females – including those who have not quite reached the age of physical or emotional maturity – seem to fully understand what they need to do to manipulate and control males, especially in close personal relationships.
For males in their teenage years or later, they learn soon enough what they can and cannot do, regardless of whether it is their preference or in their best interests. They experience female jealousy first-hand, and find the individuals they care so deeply about repeatedly correcting their behavior, often through violence. If they so much as look at somebody else, they can suffer all sorts of verbal and physical abuse. But usually never push back on the abusive female.
As they grow older, they increasingly find that the women they are enamored with – and even those they are not – make effective use of social shaming and other tactics designed to gain an advantage over, secure revenge on, or emasculate males, helping to ensure they become weak and ineffective. In marriages and other committed relationships, they end up firmly dependent on female partners and subservient to their needs and desires, whatever they are.
Unfortunately, many males don’t quite understand that this is not right and needs to be resisted, even at the risk of ending a relationship, to avoid setting themselves up for myriad problems later on. If they enable the abuser and kowtow to female demands – whether rational or not – they become subsumed into a submissive gender role that can haunt them forever.
But there is more to it than that. By failing to grasp what is going on and either rejecting or correcting the situation, males end up increasing the risk that other females will act similarly toward them in future. In fact, they’ll likely seek out relationships that ensure this will happen. Over time, they’ll be unable to express their passions or achieve their dreams and ambitions, and they’ll find themselves in a very dark place.
Breakup and vindictive revenge
Making matters worse for teenage males, in particular, are the realities of youthful relationships. Typically, “puppy love” doesn’t last long, and often ends with an emotionally devastating breakup. Unfortunately, “getting dumped” can lead former female partners to fling character-assassination arrows and innuendo toward exes in an effort to show how terrible they are, and to ensure they are seen as the undesirable ones.
Things tend to get worse as people age. In a sense, what happens in school is just a training ground for the catalog of abuses that many adult women are happy to dole out toward men, especially in relationships where children and jointly owned assets are involved. In the end, men don’t just end up with their characters and lives being shredded; ex-partners also take their children and a hefty share of their assets away from them.
A life of hell
To be sure, there are good reasons why people opt to have children, but there can also be major downsides to bringing another life into the world. If a man does anything that may lead to a pregnancy, especially with someone who is not truly the “one,” he has increased the risk that his life will become hell. Aside from being legally and financially responsible for his offspring for decades to come, he will be forced to bear the burden with someone he doesn’t really care about.
To ensure biological urges don’t undermine rationality and lead to suffering rather than satisfaction, males must understand the realities of intimate relationships. Among other things, it is not uncommon for pregnancy to be a driving force in many women, who might not hesitate to do whatever is necessary to have a child. Given that, men must take appropriate measures and only choose this path voluntarily. They must also be in a position to manage all of the financial and emotional burdens involved.
Sex is men’s Achilles’ heel. It can lead to poor choices both early on and later in life, allowing females to take advantage of what has proved to be a dangerous vulnerability. Adding to the challenges, boys and young men are growing up in a society that is full of obstacles, razor wire, and boobytraps that can sidetrack their natural passions, goals and aspirations. If they fail to realize their full potential, then everyone is a loser, regardless of sex.
In contrast, if they are given tools and guidance from the start that help ensure they move in the right direction, unhealthy and unwelcome outcomes can be avoided. Boys and young men must be taught to understand the realities of male biology and relationships with females. With mentoring, enhanced understanding and a true sense of purpose, most young men can avoid the pitfalls and create the miracles that benefit society and themselves.
About the author
Tim Patten’s latest book Masculinity Is Our Future is also available in audio format. He has published the handy investment guide: MGTOW, Building Wealth and Power. And MGTOW Why I Cheat– 11 campfire stories for men’s ears only. All his books and articles are a celebration of masculinity and pay homage to the modern men’s liberation movement.