Author: Christian Chiasson
Our story begins with a young man in his teens. His sexual desires are just beginning to bloom as he enters biological manhood. He confuses this with a desire to be publicly pair bonded with a young woman because all of his life up to this point he’s been told to be a nice guy, to respect girls and to treat them nice. And so he does. He’s been so deeply indoctrinated with the idea that mistreating girls, and only girls, comes with a punishment far worse than that of murder, and the idea that viewing women from a sexual viewpoint is wrong no matter what the situation. He is completely unprepared for what awaits him.
Our young man is in the 10th grade. He has several dating prospects around him. Day in and day out he hangs out with young women his age, trying to be noticed as more than just another teenage boy in school. He wants to be seen as a sexual being, as worthy of female attention. He develops a more mature sense of humour, he studies hard because he wants to match women intellectually, he wears all of his best clothes, his best pair of shoes, he engages these young women in thought-provoking conversation. He does all this because he’s been told this is how to attract women. Little does he know he’s been lied to.
Fast forward 5 months, about half way through the school year. He’s been unsuccessful in securing a mate. He begins to become confused, but doesn’t question the instructions he’s been given. He presses on with the unfounded belief that soon he will succeed.
Fast forward once again to the beginning of 11th grade. He was not successful the previous year and he walks in with what appears to be a new-found sense of confidence, despite him actually being more confused now than he ever was. He is still not questioning the validity of the instructions given to him since birth. A small pinch of desperation begins to set in as he tells himself “This is the year. I will succeed”. He, of course, is lying to himself.
2 months, 4 months, 8 months in and no success. He struggles to keep the desperation and depression hidden. He begins to question himself. Maybe he isn’t worthy. Maybe he’s not good enough. He questions himself, but still will not question the instructions he was given. He calls himself a male feminist, a true blue pill teenager. He tries to appeal to women by expressing his belief that they are more than he is. He accepts the lie that is transference of guilt. He accepts the lie that marriage and the nuclear family were forms of oppression, rather than a necessity for survival. He accepts the lie that men working in a coal mine for 14 hours a day, breathing in coal dust, was a privilege rather than a responsibility and a sacrifice. He truly believes this. It isn’t just a tactic to appeal to women. He truly, and wholeheartedly believes he is less than a woman. He is still unsuccessful and depression takes hold by the end of the school year.
The following year, grade 12, he walks in with his head hanging low. He’s given up. He is 17, going on 18 in a few short months. He decides he will finish school, go to college, and start his career before trying to find love again.
This is foiled by the fact that when he was 4, he was struck by a taxi cab, operated by a young 16-year-old who stole it from his father in order to make some cash for the weekend. The result of this event was 1 night in the hospital and a small 8,000 dollar settlement, placed in a trust fund, which would accrue interest until he turned 18 when it would be turned over into his possession. He continues with his life at school for the next few months, patiently awaiting his 18th birthday. He plans to spoil himself a little bit in the hopes that material possessions will cure his depression. He has no idea how naive he is.
Winter holiday comes quickly, and he has 2 weeks off school. He is expected to be back to school shortly before his 18th birthday but he plans the day off anyways. He’s eyeing a brand new laptop and MP3 player, and with the trust fund soon to be his, he can afford it. But little does he know that something is about to happen that will confuse him more than any of his failings with women.
The day he turns 18, he makes his way to the bank to find just over 16,000 dollars has been turned over into his bank account. A smile appears on his face as he takes his access card back and buses to the nearest future shop. He’s going to buy that laptop right away. He’s always had an interest in computer technologies and finally he will have one of his own to tinker with. His hope is to get into IT, and he’s been teaching himself about computers since he was 11. He’s familiar with the inner workings of a desktop by this point, even doing his co-op education program at the IT department for the local University. He shows great promise in the field, and with an IQ of 141, he is quite good as solving issues accurately and timely. He just needs experience with the smaller and more compact laptop technologies.
The following day he shows up to school sporting his brand new laptop at his side. He has plans to type his school notes, rather than hand write them, from that point forward. This catches the attention of the young women at school, and immediately they know he has money. He tells them about the taxi cab and the trust fund, and that he had received it the previous day.
From this point women seem to flock to him but he is still far too naive at this point to put 2 and 2 together. He doesn’t know they want his money, and he doesn’t really question it despite being unable to find anything else about him that has changed to make him more appealing to the opposite sex. He simply accepts his new-found appeal and presses on.
Over the next few months he has a few short relationships, but none of them lead to anything physical beyond hand holding and cheek kissing. He is 18 years old and still a virgin. A secret he tries hard to keep as the idea of a male being 18 and still a virgin is shameful to him. He does not want anyone to know but he doesn’t know how to approach the topic either. He’s under the impression that the very mention of sex turns women off and he’s afraid of losing the little bit of female attention he has. That is until he meets a young woman in a nearby city.
They both begin dating and she challenges everything he’s learned up to this point. She initiates sex on the first date. He initially lies to her about his sexual past, or lack of one to be accurate, and tells her he isn’t a virgin. He doesn’t go big with the lie though. He tells her he has had a few encounters but nothing to brag about. The relationship lasts until his trust fund dries up and he is still too naive to realize where his sudden appeal came from. 18, broke and again single he seeks other relationships locally. He finds none and will remain single until he is 22.
By this time he’s regretting how he frivolously spent his entire trust fund on others instead of investing. Women became a distraction and as a result his grades plummeted and he could no longer get into any good University or College. His choices were to repeat the 12th grade, or acquire his GED and enter the workforce. With increasing pressure from his parents he chose the latter.
He began working for a call centre company that handles tech support for the Xbox 360 console and Xbox live service. Making only minimum wage, but punching in enough overtime, he was able to make enough money to move out into his own place, with a roommate of course. His roommate was a coworker who had been falsely accused of rape. He signed off as a surety to get him out of jail but at this point he is still too blue pill to know that false rape accusations occur any more than 2% of the time. He signs reluctantly, partially believing the accusation is actually genuine. The 10 months living with his coworker quickly become toxic as the belief that the accusation is genuine starts to creep into the forefront of his mind. He starts believing he’s helping a rapist escape punishment and this begins to eat away at his conscience.
During this time a new tenant moves into the apartment upstairs. A very attractive, independent woman who catches our young man’s eye. They begin talking and things begin to evolve. She tells him about her abusive ex boyfriend and he quickly develops a sense of empathy and compassion for her. He feels bad that she was treated this way. The relationship only lasts a few months when he finds out she cheated on him with the very same ex she claimed was abusive. Shortly after she leaves our young man and gets back with her ex.
After 10 months, the trial was over and his coworker, and roommate, has been found guilty. His mind spirals into a state of guilt as he believes he has betrayed the very women he was raised to protect. The fact that the evidence for the guilty verdict was flaky or non-existent does nothing to diminish this state of mind. Within days he quickly pulls surety and sends his roommate back to jail before the sentencing date. His roommate is forced to get his new girlfriend to sign. Our young man moves back in with his parents and carries with him a feeling that he’s failed and betrayed women everywhere. He does not feel like a man.
As the years pass, our young man tries desperately to figure out why he has such bad luck with women. He’s a nice guy. He’s compassionate, he’s empathetic, he carries a torch for women’s rights and he defers to the women around him for direction. He’s completely unaware that the very women he defers to see him as a directionless loser. He believes he’s doing the right thing, but is completely unaware that his unmasculine, feminine, behaviour is self sabotaging.
4 years pass before he meets who he believes in the woman of his dreams. He falls head over heels in love quickly. They begin a relationship and initially things are amazing. He’s never been so happy. She’s the perfect woman, and the very sight of her face lights his heart on fire. Her touch sends him into a state of bliss. He just wants to be around her. A few months pass and he begins to notice she is spending less and less time with him. Not just that but often also forgetting plans they make together. He finds himself going to her place to do nothing more than dog sit while she goes out with friends. The depression begins to develop as the idea that he’s simply being used as a means for her to neglect her responsibilities. He is still far too naive to accept this truth, but begins expressing annoyance and frustration. They begin fighting and he tries tirelessly to shift the blame on anything but her. She can’t be using him. She’s perfect and he loves her. He is completely blind.
He goes over to her place one day, as they have plans, but once again finds she “forgot” about them. He spends the entire day, and most of the night alone in her apartment as she spends her time partying and getting drunk. He goes to bed, only to be woken up at about 2 in the morning to a heavily intoxicated and angry girlfriend. She screams at him, kicks him out of her apartment, and pushes her deep freezer up against the door. He returns home for the night.
The next day he returns to find the door has been blocked by the deep freezer, but the door isn’t locked. He manages to push his way into the apartment. She is on the couch, still passed out and a plate of food has been knocked over onto the carpet. The dog was not taken out, and as a result defecated and urinated on the floor. He waits patiently for her to wake up.
When she finally regains consciousness she finds him sitting opposite to her, the food on the carpet, the deep freezer out-of-place and the shit and piss on the floor. She asks our young man what happened, and he tells her with tears beginning to stream down his face. The events of the night before, coupled with the events of his past have left such a scar that he cannot hide it any longer. He’s breaking, and the cracks can’t be contained much longer.
She apologizes profusely and explains this is a pattern of hers. This isn’t the first time she’s done this and our young man is not her first victim. He accepts her apology on the condition that she begin attending AA meetings. She agrees.
They call for local AA meeting times and decide the next day, a Wednesday, would be a good time to start. He goes with her, right at her side, to show support. Little did he know that she was not taking this seriously.
The following week, when she was supposed to go to her second meeting, she skipped out. A week later, she skipped out again. She wasn’t hiding her inability to take responsibility very well, but he was still very much blind to it.
During the next few months he continued to shift blame on anything and anyone but her until they decided to move in together. They found a place across town, a new neighbourhood and to him a new beginning. Things were good for a week. She began exhibiting the same behaviour as before, but she grew in toxicity. She began blaming her toxic behaviour and neglect on him. Several times removing his keys for days, or weeks, at a time so he could not go anywhere. He was 26, and his girlfriend was essentially grounding him for her own behaviour.
What’s more is that she began demanding that he not talk to family or friends about certain things. Any breach of this resulted in her threatening to end the relationship, and again grounding him by relinquishing his keys. She also began controlling his finances. Where he couldn’t spend a dime on himself, she would shop all day. Buying useless items that most of the time remained unopened and unused for weeks or sometimes months.
Soon she met another man and was spending large amounts of time with him. Our young man wouldn’t dare tell her not to spend time with this other man but soon things got to be too much. She began making plans with our young man, only to cancel them because the other man wanted to hang out. It got to the point where she would make plans with our young man, only to call the other man on the phone just minutes after and make plans with him instead, right in front of our young man. He was beginning to feel unwanted. He tried incredibly hard to find ways to bring back the feelings they shared in the early days of the relationship, but failed time and time.
She began to intentionally try to frustrate and anger our young man each week, to the point where he felt he had to leave for the weekends, freeing up hers. While he was recovering from the week before, she was partying and enjoying herself.
It all came to blows one day when our young man finally reached his breaking point. Almost a decade of lies, betrayal, and selfish, toxic women had finally broken what little spirit he had left.
One morning, 14 months into the relationship, the man and his psychologically abusive spouse made plans to spend the day together. It was one last chance for the woman to prove she actually cared about him. After a quick lunch at the coffee shop, and a trip to the nearby grocery store, he discovered that one of the woman’s friends had been waiting outside for the couple to return home. During the walk home the man listened in as their plans were once again, and for the final time, cancelled. He realized she cared nothing for him and was simply looking for excuses to spend as little time as possible. He walked ahead, quickly, and left the two women to walk back alone.
When she and her friend returned, she found our young man on the balcony having a cigarette and trying to calm down before deciding how to deal with his new-found epiphany. She opened the door, and began interrogating him. As calmly as he could, he told her that he knew their plans are shot, that she was going to spend the day with her friend instead and that they would talk about it when she returned. The woman’s friend spoke up, telling the man not to talk to her that way. Not to be disrespected in a place that he calls home, he bluntly told the friend to shut the fuck and stay out of it. An argument ensued when the friend told the man she thinks he should move out.
The man asked the friend multiple times to leave his home, but she refused. He exercised his right and forcefully removed her from the apartment. The argument between the couple continued, until she told him that he had fucked up worse than ever before. She relinquished his keys, went to her friend’s house and they both called the police. The man was arrested under a false domestic abuse allegation and removed from the home.
He had experienced first hand how easy it is for a false accusation to be treated as genuine, if the accuser is a woman. And how easy it is for a woman to make a false accusation without guilt for what she puts another person through.
On that day, an MRA was born.
Our young man now thinks back to his former roommate, and he was falsely accused. He is filled with guilt once again, but this time for betraying his friend. He knows he doesn’t deserve forgiveness, but he hopes his friend can forgive him someday.
Our young man is forever changed. His eyes wide open to the truth. A giant red pill shoved down his throat in the form of his own false accusation story. He’s become the uncaring jerk he always tried so hard not to be. He is shamed by women for becoming the very thing those women molded him into through his experiences with them. Yet he feels no shame at all. Not anymore. He is reborn, living for himself, defining himself and rejecting any and all external definitions of himself.
Once a blue pill beta, now forever a red pill zeta.
Original Story on AVFM
These stories are from AVoiceForMen.com.
(Changing the cultural narrative)