NCFM Chicago Chapter Secretary Lori DeBolt, False Accusations of Sexual Assault: Calling on our Women
When your whole world crashes because of False Accusations of Sexual Assault, please know You Are Not Alone! False accusations destroy the lives of our men and rip them away from the families that love them; and, it is much more common than you are led to believe!
At NCFM, our Deborah and Jael’s Warriors against False Accusations group understands all too well the pain and anguish a family suffers when the man in their life has been falsely accused. Sadly, we have all been there! Our women’s group meets regularly to share our pain and give warm support for all that need it. We are actively raising awareness of the all too common issue of false accusations. And, we are actively changing negative stereotypes about our men, as well as working on changing laws that harm our men. We welcome any woman into our group that has been affected by any of this and anyone who has a passion to make the world right for our men!
On December 20, 2019, my son was convicted of sexual assault. On a day that was to be our victory of truth, it ended up being our day of losing all faith in our justice system. My son’s accuser stood on the stand and claimed she slept 8 hours through the night while she was “raped”—by two men, on two different times throughout the night.
My son met this woman for the first time at a backyard party in August of 2015. He had just lost his father to suicide and this woman had just lost her father earlier. He learned of this while they were intimately sitting on the patio together. He readily accepted her offer to stay with her that night and she promised to give him a ride home in the morning. It was that night that he fell into her sticky web of destruction and lies.
At the party earlier in the night, my son’s accuser disappeared for a few hours. We assume it was at that time she had sex in her bed with the first man—while her 4 year old daughter was in the same bed watching them! The accuser did not fully recognize this fact until the next morning when the little girl asked her mom about it.
My son took the stand and explained in detail how his accuser left the party earlier in the night and later returned. She led him to her home for consensual shower sex sometime very late in the night. Upon waking in the morning, the accuser found the 4 year old back in bed with her and my son. She left my son sleeping in her bed while she left the home to look for her phone at the neighbor’s house. She then took a shower. After the shower is when her 4 year old asked her about the boy she was bumping butts with earlier in the night.
There were ongoing custody issues with the two fathers of her two daughters. In a 2013 case, an emergency court order was filed by the father of the youngest daughter when the accuser stole $10,000 from him and left the state. He won! So naturally she was hypersensitive about her 4 year old telling her daddy about watching her mommy “bumping butts with a boy in bed”. She tried to concoct a story of rape by getting a rape kit. But why did she not take her 4 year old daughter in too if the “rape” occurred in the bed and the 4 year old witnessed it? Because she was not raped! She was afraid that both fathers would seek custody of their daughters. DCFS actually came in and removed the girls from her custody because of that night.
Our judge refused to allow us to bring in the 2nd DNA and refused to allow us to bring in our accuser’s custody issues, which was her motive to lie—she wanted to claim it was rape so that she would not lose custody of her daughters. The prosecutor did not bring charges against my son until close to 2 ½ years after the fact—in 2017—shortly after the MeToo tweet and close to one year after the Sexual Assault Incidence Procedures Act in Illinois became law. The prosecutor also educated the jury on the MeToo movement. Was it fair? No! Did the judge or prosecutor care about real justice and truth? No!
My world crumbled the moment I heard “Guilty”! So many things went wrong in this trial.
Prosecutorial misconduct which was improperly dismissed by the judge! Failure to allow in all the evidence! I often wonder if we have a Brady Violation, as well! Actions taken or not taken indicate that the accuser lied. And, lying on the stand about being asleep throughout the whole night when we have evidence that proves she was awake.
December 21, 2019, I fell into a deep depression and debilitating anxiety. Google searching “False Accusations” only terrified me. I felt alone! I felt helpless! I was at the lowest point in my life and worried sick about my son. Tears would not stop flowing; and, my heart would not stop aching for my son.
And then I met Harry Crouch, Tim Goldich, and the late and very well-loved Marc Angelucci of National Coalition for Men. And, I thank God for each of them! God and these men gave me courage to hope and the courage to fight back hard to prove my son’s innocence. I am forever indebted to them—they saved my life!
When I met Melissa McFadden, I found strength in knowing I was not alone! She posted on social media about needing authors to contribute to her anthology on False Accusations! Her son was also falsely accused. I invited my friend Cam O’Brien, whose son is also being accused of sexual assault, to a zoom meeting with me and Melissa to talk about her anthology. After a few short weeks, Carla, Cissy, Claire, Krissy, Debra and many others have joined us, including Katrina who is giving us the High School perspective on how easily girls are threatening and falsely accusing boys. It was this short period of time that made us stronger. And from all this pain we rose up and formed the NCFM women’s group.
Women, if you are feeling hopeless, please know You Are Not Alone! And, if you worry about the men you love in your life, you have found a place to fight back against the injustice our men endure because of false accusations.
Please join NCFM-Deborah & Jael’s Warriors Against False Accusations and help us in this battle! We warmly give our emotional support for each other; we recognize the need and actively work to change the laws, educate America, and change the negative stereotypes against the men we love. MeToo started a movement to help rape victims and we whole heartedly support true rape victims! But we do more than MeToo—we battle against False Accusers and we care deeply about Women and Men and Children who are destroyed by sexual violence!
Come join us at NCFM and find out the truth behind False Accusations! Help us free our men!