On Going To War With Women

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Author: Paul Elam

The following is a transcript of parts 1 & 2 of ‘Going To War With Women’ – first delivered as video talks back in 2011.


I have to apologize for what will be a long and circuitous two-part video; I’m going to wander a bit here but I hope it does not prove to be too distracting. And a word of thanks also here to a subscriber H.H Fleury who made a comment to my recent video ‘Time To Abort Fatherhood At Will‘ (which if you have not watched yet you should in order to get a better understanding of this talk). The point he made was an important one – that we should not just throw up our arms and accept that there is nothing we can do about the feminazi culture we live in.

In that I’m assuming he was regarding my call for reproductive rights for men as a defeatist’s response to women’s domination over human reproduction, which is now a mainstay of the gynocracy. And that is a good point to raise because in the still-developing men’s movement we continue to sort out whether we want to embrace traditional masculinity, or would choose to redefine manhood in a way that reflects different values in accordance with a new socio-sexual world order.

The fact is – and by fact I mean my opinion – that whether or not you want to return to traditional values, or prefer to redefine masculinity in a new age, the path to get there is more or less the same. Men must face off with women on a very personal level and fight back in the gender war, and the only logical way to do that is to allow women to feel the full weight of equality in all its ugliness. It’s kind of like opening the door so a feminazi can walk into the gas chamber she built for you. And we do that by recognizing that hanging on to the past alone is not a movement – it’s just an unrewarded status quo at best, and at worst a stagnation that results in ridiculous vulnerabilities that have been addressed by MRAs as long as there’s been a movement.

So I would offer that any movement for men – by the very definition of the word – involves men changing and drastically. The question is what are we going to change and how will we get there? You may have heard me say several times that if we want to see if women really want equality the best way to do that is to give it to them. Let me rephrase that in a little bit of a different way; the best way to prove that most women cannot handle the weight and responsibility of equality is to give it to them.

What we do currently is play a completely disingenuous game. We watch most women and more than a few men make a lot of noise about how they embrace equality between the sexes, and then we watch the same people put social ideals, government programs, and draconian laws that demonstrate that women as a group can’t cut it without men giving them a leg up.

The problem is that society, your society, is used to denying all of this. And so to me the real job of the MRA is to expose this lie in a way that people feel on a highly personal level. Case in point many years ago I met a woman through a mutual friend we talked on the phone a few times and decided that we would go out to dinner on a date. It turned out to be an experience typical for the times. Within a few minutes of being seated in the restaurant she told me in at least two different ways that her going out with me didn’t mean that we were going to have sex. The next 45 minutes she spent bashing her exes and telling me that she didn’t need a man for anything.

It was nothing new. It was a standard female shit-test designed to see if she could put me in a lower status and to give her deference and control. I just nodded my head a lot and smiled and played the game. Toward the end of the dinner she had loosened up quite a bit and was actually laughing and having a pretty good time then I told the waiter to bring us separate checks. She was fucking outraged – and I’m not exaggerating she actually got so loud that heads were turning at tables around us, and of course I just reminded her that she didn’t need me and that I was supporting her stated independence by insisting we go Dutch, and after all I had not asked her out we had decided to go out mutually.

Now the kicker to this, and the really funny part was that she didn’t have the money to cover her bill. So she had to call a friend to come out and bail her out of the jam she had gotten herself into. In other words she had me sit through dinner listening to her lie about her independence knowing she didn’t even have the money to pay her way. And she fully expected that I would listen to all that and then pick up the tab anyway. I was actually kind of surprised at myself for doing what I did. But it was the first lesson for me with women that demonstrates the point I’m making here. Not only was this woman unprepared to carry her weight equally, she was actually outraged at the idea that anyone would expect her to. And the whole time she was beating me up with how equal she was.

Now just imagine a world full of men who had asked for separate checks. Even more realistically, just imagine enough men that would do it so that women in general would no longer feel comfortable with assuming that men would pay. What do you think would happen to all the “I don’t need a man” bullshit rhetoric that men have grown accustomed to listening to from women. And let’s take that out a little bit further, what would happen to the rate of unwanted pregnancies and abortions if men could and would simply walk away if they didn’t want to be a father. How many lives do you imagine might be saved. How many women would begin to view the reproductive role with a little more respect and humility versus it being a way to gather a man’s sperm and his finances at the same time.

We can apply this thinking to a lot of areas. Take the death penalty for instance. I’m personally against it or at least I’m against it until we figure out a way to know that we’re killing the right person. And we’re far from that. But what do you imagine would happen to the death penalty if we started giving the needle to women anywhere near as often as they deserve it. The death chambers would shut down overnight.

What would happen to all the hubbub of women in the military if half the flag-draped coffins coming back from the Middle East had a woman’s disfigured body in it. What would happen to our willingness to go to war for the wrong reasons. What would happen to women’s sense of entitlement if say 30 percent of men refused to engage in any form of chivalry. If men refuse to do anything for women at all simply because they were women. I think you’d see a collective change in attitude in women that you couldn’t possibly imagine.

The point here is that if you want this stuff to change, the most efficient way to do it is to force women to carry the weight they already claim to be carrying but aren’t – the weight that should have come with their modern rights but didn’t.

Now realistically speaking we’re still not in a place that this will happen anytime soon far too many manginas, sellout chivalrists, alpha enablers and beta lap dogs. But the fact is that our numbers are growing and theirs are shrinking as time goes by. And as the numbers of men who won’t just take whatever bullshit is handed to them from the feminazi Zeitgeist gets increasingly larger, we will see a couple of interesting things happen – actually we already are.

“Feminist” has become a more and more unwelcome label in female circles. Also, we’re hearing more and more women wax nostalgic about when men used to be men. I can’t prove it but I bet you that the phony I had dinner with was more careful with her mouth the next time she went out. Something about actually having to ante up for your words and deeds have a decidedly maturing effect, even when you don’t want it to.


Whether any of this happens on a large scale anytime soon, the practice of treating women like absolute equals can bring really good things into the lives of any man who does it. I have not taken financial responsibility for a woman in a long long time – actually since that date. It does not stop me from getting laid or cut me out of female companionship if and when I want it. The result is that I don’t ever feel like a woman is a financial anchor around my neck. I won’t let them be.

There are women who will carry their weight financially, you just have to call them out from the majority of leeches to get to them, but they are there. And for a little trade secret here, just in terms of getting sexual satisfaction, there are plenty of women who will date men who pay the way and lavish them with gifts, but will then drop them like a lead brick and go crawl between the sheets with a guy who won’t spend a nickel on them because he’s the guy whose indifference to her princess bullshit gets her dripping wet.

Let me illustrate this further. Many years ago after a divorce I was at a crossroads in my life even after a healthy period of grieving I felt awkward about dating, was pretty unsure of myself when it came to women. And it suddenly occurred to me at 36 years old that I didn’t want to do things with women like I’d ever done them before. Like any normal man I wanted a connection with a woman, wanted sex, but I had realized that following my natural instincts about that had always led to a lot of difficulties and a lot of drama.

So I started asking myself for the first time in my life what is it about some men that set them aside when it came to women. Why did some guys, even ones without money or looks, always seem to have women around them. Why did other guys – guys with good jobs, good looking guys, whatever guys that were very chivalrous always seemed to end up standing there with a bunch of flowers wilting in their hand while the woman of their desire hopped on to ride bitch on a Harley behind some guy who acted like he didn’t give a if she came or went.

And of course the answer was right there in front of me. The answer was, despite my logic screaming that it wasn’t so, that the guy on the Harley didn’t give a shit. And it was his indifference that made the difference. So with nothing to lose and a newfound determination to change my life I set about going after that difference and I ended up kicking myself for not having done it 20 years earlier.

In a nutshell here’s what I did, I joined a social club. Which one doesn’t matter, there are thousands of them. The point is that these people met to party and do other things on a regular basis. This time, rather than scan the group for a woman I was interested in and look to grab her attention, I simply went there and interacted with people as though they were all men. Yes you heard that right: I treated the women more or less the same way I treated men. I showed no sexual interest in them at all, even the slightest bit. I arrived at events late and left early I carried myself with absolute confidence even when I didn’t feel that way.

I made it a point many times when talking to women to let something else, other than another woman, get my attention and then to say excuse me and go off to involve myself in whatever else it was – as long as it didn’t involve them. I also carried an air of preoccupation as though there was always somewhere else I wanted to be. To cement this I checked my watch as though concerned about the time pretty regularly. After just a few weeks of this a woman who I actually did have my eye on secretly stopped me on my way out of an event. We were in a loud club so she had to lean in and talk into my ear and clearly pushed her tits into my chest as she did: “So you’re always leaving” she said, and I knew right then and there that I had her.

I made up some shit about being busy but told her that I would see her the next time, putting my hand on her ass as I spoke. Well the next time she went home with me, and what followed was even more amazing. From that point on the women in that particular group were lining up not to date me, but to fuck me. I even had one approach me at another event and ask me “when is it my turn?”

Now guys, this is not bragging about exploits. There is something very valuable here for men and for MRAs. By simply removing myself from seeking women’s attention I got it. But much more importantly I changed the dynamics of power between myself and women. Instead of me picking a woman and trying to figure out how to get her attention, the whole goddamn lot of them were picking me and trying to get mine. And that my friends is about a whole lot more than getting pussy.

It’s about understanding that for eons men have played the mating game by acting like trained seals, balancing balls on their noses and clapping their flippers in hopes of being tossed a piece of fish. And once they get that fish they do everything they can to keep it coming from the same source. This is ultimately the power of women in our feminist society; for if men were not ever in search of that scrap of dead fish, if their baskets were full without having to work for it, none of this bullshit we fight against in the men’s rights movement would even be happening.

Feminists had it totally right in their approach to gaining power: all politics are personal. It is the mainstay of their movement and why shame is such an effective tool to keep men’s mouth shut as they go about undermining everything in sight. On the front page of my website it says in bold letters “Suppose they had a gender war and men showed up.” Well truth be told there is no more powerful way for men to show up than in reversing the power flow that goes to women, and directing it toward men.

Original Story on AVFM
These stories are from AVoiceForMen.com.
(Changing the cultural narrative)

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