Pavement wars

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Sidewalk

Author: Merlin

What
I’m
seeing
on
the
pavements
of
our
towns
and
cities
is
disturbing
and
cannot
be
ignored
anymore.
I
am
speaking
of
belligerent
foot
traffic
on
our
pavements.

This
phenomenon
is
somewhat
concerning
in
its
nature
because
it
tells
me,
it
tells
us
all,
that
basic
manners
and
courtesy
are
being
eroded
and
replaced
with
a
total
disregard
for
anyone
else.
This
disregard
is
quite
unsettling
if
it’s
to
be
considered
a
glimpse
of
what
we
are
to
look
forwards
to
in
the
future.

This
article
will
be
looking
at
this
phenomenon
and
is
divided
into
sections
for
closer
analysis.
It
reflects
what
I
and
others
have
experienced
firsthand
on
our
pavements.


The
Shield
Wall:


Identified
by:

A
group
of
women
or
girls
occupying
the
full
width
of
the
pavement
striding
towards
you.


Analysis:

The
Shield
Wall’s
occupants
tend
to
be
sublimated
to
the
lowest
animalistic
denominator
of
a
small
crowd.
More
times
than
not
the
average
blood
alcohol
reading
of
its
occupants
is
inversely
proportionate
to
their
manners
and
good
temper.


Rules
of
engagement:

Negotiating
this
one
can
be
a
tricky
affair
and
mental
alertness
is
of
benefit.
The
primary
option
is
to
assess
the
pathway
on
the
opposite
side
of
the
road
and
if
clear
one
is
to
cross
to
that
side
for
ease
of
passage.

If
this
is
not
possible,
then
the
secondary
option
is
to
be
employed;
the
formation
of
ramming
stance
and
then
employment
of
ramming
speed
centered
at
the
weakest
link
of
The
Shield
Wall.
This
maneuver
is
known
as

‘The
Pavement
Spear’

or
TPS.”


A
personal
testament:

Brendon
of
London
says,
“I
find
the
Shield
Wall
move
to
be
particularly
lacking
in
any
thought
or
appreciation
for
other
peoples
movement
and
personal
space.
On
one
occasion
as
I
walked
along
the
pavement
I
could
see
a
group
of
rowdy,
semi
drunken
women
out
on
the
town.
I
could
see
the
potential
of
this
situation
getting
ugly
so
I
chose
to
cross
the
road
for
clear
advancement.
Well…you
would
not
believe
what
happened
next
as
I
couldn’t
believe
it
myself.”

“Two
from
the
group
of
women
despite
their
drunken
state
noticed
my
avoidance
tactics
and
breaking
from
their
group
deliberately
crossed
the
road
blocking
my
path
once
again.
Walking
arm
in
arm
they
headed
straight
for
me.
They
proceeded
to
stay
on
course
knowing
full
well
that
their
chosen
formation
of
“The
Shield
Wall”
gave
me
very
little
room
at
all
to
avoid
colliding
with
them.”

“This
belligerence
fuelled
my
decision
to
adopt
“The
Pavement
Spear”.
As
I
closed
in
on
the
women
at
ramming
speed
they
continued
indecently
giving
me
no
room
to
pass.
Consequently,
TPS
was
duly
executed
breaking
their
linked
arms.
This
was
met
with
much
muttering
followed
by
drunken
cackles.
Incredibly,
I’d
gone
out
of
my
way
in
the
first
place
to
avoid
such
an
altercation?”

Brendon
went
on
to
say,
“If
it
wasn’t
for
TPS
I’d
be
done
like
a
nuked
dinner.
I
definitely
recommend
it’s
usage
where
required.”


The
Chariot
Formation:


Identified
by:

Two
or
three
women
with
baby
strollers
walking
side
by
side
occupying
the
full
width
of
the
pavement
striding
towards
you.


Analysis:

“The
Chariot
Formation”
is
the
most
disregarding
and
aggressive
formation
pitted
against
the
unwitting
pedestrian.
The
women
indulging
in
The
Chariot
Formation
are
oblivious
to
anyone’s
need
for
passing
space.
These
creatures
are
to
be
seen
on
our
streets
more
and
more,
and
The
Chariot
Formation
is
particularly
despicable
because
it
shows
absolutely
no
thought
for
anyone
else
other
than
for
those
within
its
formation.


Rules
of
engagement:

There
is
but
one
option
when
encountering
The
Chariot
Formation
and
that
is
to
employ
“The
Castle
Wall.”
TCW
is
a
primarily
defensive
posture
whereby
the
opponent
is
to
hold
tightly
with
muscular
rigidity
in
order
to
mitigate
against
oncoming
vehicular
collision,
i.e.
The
possibility
of
chariot
burns
on
the
ankles.


A
personal
testament:

Adrian
of
Manchester
says,
“The
drivers
of
The
Chariot
Formation
show
no
common
sense
or
decency
in
any
of
the
situations
I’ve
personally
witnessed
or
been
involved
with.
This
one
is
tricky
to
negotiate
without
confrontation.
Bearing
in
mind
the
majority
of
cases
I’ve
been
involved
in
usually
end
up
as
an
exchange
of
expletives
because
I
haven’t
been
prepared
to
walk
into
the
road
for
their
royal
convenience.
TCW
has
saved
me
on
more
occasions
I
can
recall.”

He
went
on
to
say
“On
one
occasion
I
was
returning
home
on
foot
when
I
noticed
two
women
in
the
distance
grouped
in
the
Chariot
Formation.
The
pavement
was
particularly
narrow
so
I
decided
to
make
my
position
known
early
on
by
walking
close
to
the
wall.
I’m
done
with
the
chivalrous
road
side.

He
continued,
“[a]s
I
approached
the
women
I
observed
they
had
noticed
me
but
they
carried
on
relentlessly.
It
was
obvious
that
they
had
no
intention
of
making
space,
and
this
was
when
I
decided
to
employ
the
stance
of
TCW
with
my
coming
to
a
complete
halt

standing
my
ground.
I
had
no
intention
of
swerving
onto
the
road
for
anyone
and
quite
frankly,
leaving
a
little
passing
room
is
just
basic
manners.
Well,
seeing
that
I
wasn’t
going
anywhere
soon
they
just
stopped
right
in
front
of
me,
didn’t
they?”

“There
we
were,
the
three
of
us
standing
eye
to
eye
upon
which
I
simply
asked
them,
“Where
would
you
like
me
to
go…would
you
like
me
to
levitate
perhaps?”

Remarkably,
she
was
quite
embarrassed
by
my
question
and
proceeded
to
flush
a
delicate
shade
of
ruby
and
made
a
vague
apology.
This
was
a
rare
occasion
because
most
of
the
time
I
have
been
met
by
very
hostile
language
and
total
a
disregard
for
anyone
else
other
than
themselves.


The
Flank
Attack:


Identified
by:

When
a
woman
either
pushing
a
chariot
or
simply
walking
alone,
crosses
to
your
side
of
the
street
when
her
side
is
perfectly
clear.


Analysis:

The
Flank
Attack
is
not
as
common
as
the
Chariot
Formation,
but
is
by
its
sheer
bad
manners
one
for
which
to
always
be
vigilantly
scoured.
Wearing
an
iPod
or
other
device
that
impairs
the
detection
of
scuffling
feet
to
the
side
is
to
be
avoided
at
all
costs,
and
angular
adjusted
mirrors
affixed
to
tailored
eye-wear
should
be
considered
for
the
auditory
challenged.


Rules
of
engagement:

When
faced
with
the
Flank
Attack
there
is
but
one
card
to
play.
Assuming
collision
is
imminent,
no
adjusted
posture
will
mitigate
against
impending
damage
and
the
“Tarmac
Turbo”
is
to
be
employed.
The
T.T.
is
best
administered
after
ingestion
of
caffeine
for
the
necessitation
of
the
innocent
party
to
speed
up
immensely
in
a
short
burst
to
avoid
collision.


A
personal
testament:

Nathan,
from
Land’s
End,
Cornwall
says,
”The
flank
attack
really
pisses
me
off
in
a
big
way.
I
have
trouble
comprehending
what’s
going
through
their
minds
with
this
one.
There
I
am
minding
my
own
business
and
enjoying
the
crisp
autumn
air
and
relishing
the
fact
that
I
don’t
have
to
do
a
slalom
course
on
an
empty
pavement
in
front
of
me,
when
all
of
a
sudden
out
of
nowhere
someone
is
heading
straight
for
the
space
directly
in
front
of
me.
If
I
don’t
check
my
walking
pace
there’s
going
to
be
a
collision
of
some
sort.

Nathan
went
on
to
say,
“What
is
it
with
these
women
or
girls
that
do
this?
It
has
me
lost
for
words
every
time.
I’ve
looked
across
at
the
other
side
of
the
street
to
see
them
on
the
pavement
with
nobody
in
their
path,
yet
they
decide
to
cross
the
road
in
order
to
“head
me
off
at
the
pass,”
you
might
say.

I
nearly
lose
it
when
I’m
minding
my
own
business
and
some
brainless
halfwit
makes
a
grab
at
the
space
right
in
front
of
me
nearly
knocking
me
over.
The
space
behind
me
isn’t
good
enough
for
her,
oh
no,
she
has
to
be
the
leader
as
such.

He
concluded,
“I’ve
actually
experienced
a
woman
with
her
chariot
administer
the
T.T.
maneuver
against
me
in
order
to
secure
the
spot
directly
ahead
of
me.
What’s
with
this
bullshit?
I’m
starting
to
think
that
modern
women
and
girls
aren’t
the
shy,
retiring
and
delicate
wall
flowers
the
media
and
legislators
would
have
us
believe.”


One
On
One
combat:


Identified
by:

An
oncoming
party
directly
in
front
of
you
adjusts
their
course
of
perambulation
with
the
sole
intention
of
inducing
a
collision
or
eventful
encounter.
Changing
your
intended
course
to
avoid
an
impending
collision
elicits
an
immediate
response
of
the
oncoming
party
whereby
their
line
of
travel
is
aligned
once
again
with
yours.


Analysis:

Stepping
onto
the
road,
levitating,
or
ducking
into
an
alley
or
open
doorway
of
a
shop
is
not
to
be
considered
as
this
will
deliver
a
message
of
accommodation
to
the
belligerent
party.
Accommodation
of
this
order
will
foster
future
encounters
of
a
similar
nature
with
the
belligerent
party
and
their
associates.


Rules
of
engagement:

The
“Pedestrian
Ruse
Of
Distraction,”
or
PROD,
is
best
administered.
The
PROD
is
best
described
as
the
innocent
party
feigning
interest
in
something
to
one
side
whilst
maintaining
current
momentum
and
direction
of
travel.
This
has
a
two
pronged
effect.
Primarily
it
delivers
the
message
that
the
innocent
party
has
missed
the
cue
to
step
aside
and
secondly
that
the
innocent
party
does
not
give
a
rat’s
crap
if
a
collision
does
indeed
occur.
When
The
PROD
is
delivered
the
belligerent
party
will
immediately
self-instigate
a
behavior
change
by
correcting
their
course
in
order
to
produce
an
uneventful
encounter.


A
personal
testament:

Hamish
from
Fife
in
Scotland
says,
“Now
this
one
is
frustrating
and
amusing
at
the
same
time.
When
I
notice
a
woman
in
the
distance
heading
towards
me
I
chose
a
position
on
the
pavement
so
as
to
avoid
collision.
She
forces
me
to
dance
the
‘pavement
tango’
with
her.”

He
went
on
to
explain,
“The
oncoming
woman
adjusts
her
course
for
a
collision
with
me
no
matter
what
I
do.
I
go
one
way
and
like
a
reflection
in
a
mirror
she
does
the
same.
It’s
a
mystery
why
this
happens,
and
it
begs
the
question:
What’s
going
through
her
grey
cells
at
that
moment?”
It
almost
seems
that
the
simple
law
of
physics
doesn’t
register
with
her
and
this
bizarre
perambulating
tango
must
ensue.”

“To
this
end”,
Hamish
continued,
“I
always
use
the
PROD
method.
It
works
every
time
and
I
make
damned
sure
I
feign
interest
in
something
on
the
other
side
of
the
street
leaving
Tango
Woman
with
the
job
of
ensuring
a
collision
is
avoided.
Sometimes
it’s
been
a
last
second
swerve
on
her
behalf,
but
they
always
get
the
message
that
you’re
not
compromising
your
position
on
the
pavement.
I
use
the
PROD
to
let
them
know
that
they
have
to
watch
where
the
fuck
they
are
going
and
like
all
of
us
is
better
to
stick
to
a
path
that
doesn’t
involve
a
head-on.

So
what
are
we
to
make
of
this,
and
what
does
it
mean
for
the
rest
of
us?
Well
I
can’t
say
for
sure,
but
I’ll
bet
you
our
parents
saw
only
some
of
this
and
their
parents
none
at
all.
Younger
generations
have
seen
a
decline
in
“Time
Served”
traditional
values,
replaced
with
unorthodox
practices
that
are
used
to
reprogram
the
very
foundation
on
which
we
once
existed
in
harmony
without
corruptive
government
intervention.

Like
a
gathering
cloud
of
Affinitas
Toxicus
that’s
arrived
in
on
a
quiet
breeze,
I’m
putting
to
you
that
feminism
along
with
all
its
calculated
hoopla
and
it’s
aerobics
has
our
once
lovely
women
adulated
and
preened
as
princesses
on
a
socially
manufactured
pedestal,
a
pedestal
that’s
long
overdue
for
demolition.

Original Story on AVFM
These stories are from AVoiceForMen.com.
(Changing the cultural narrative)

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